One of my favorite Indian term is "Time Pass". I have heard of it while watching Bollywood movies. It is defined as the “action or fact of passing the time, typically in an aimless or unproductive way.” according to the dictionary from Oxford Languages.
Today, I want to use the term in context of relationships. In recent years, I have discovered that some relationships are just time pass for people. You enter in a relationship with someone fully knowing that you have no intention of being serious. It means you are fooling around with that person but your ultimate goal is not to settle down whether to get married or to be a in a monogomous long term relationship. This is not a problem when both parties involved agree to the terms. It becomes an issue if one part of the couple is more serious than the other. You date someone hoping to get hitched only for that person to consider you time pass. It is frustrating.
Top - Numero Uno
Jeans - Mango
Bag - Gracias boutique
Sandals - DeChezDidi
I know many men (and women) who do this. They hook up with a someone they like just because they are bored or lonely. Sometimes they can even start the relationship in good faith. But upon dating, they realized that this is not the person they want to introduce to their parents, it is not the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. However, instead of breaking things of, they linger on. Worse case scenario they make the relationship so unbearable that the other party has to break things off.
I have been both the victim and the perpetrator of time pass in a relationship. I am guilty of entering in a relationship with someone I did not like because I was bored, lonely, because I wanted to make someone jealous, or just because I was desired. I had no interest in that person but the attention he gave me excited me. I went on several dates, and enjoyed his company. Deep down, I knew this would not go anywhere but I did not have anything else better to do. Plus, that person was so available it was scary at times. To top it all, I could be the worse version of myself, on my badest behavior and he would still like me. And believe me, I did test that person in so many indecent ways. In the end, bored, I broke things off without giving him an explanation. He did something that annoyed me and I took it as an opportunity to end things.
What goes around comes around. A few years later, I also became a victim of time pass. And let me tell you something: it is not fun at all. You question your entire existence when you date someone who considers you time pass because he gives you enough attention for you to be hooked all the while being aloof about your union. He puts you through the wringer and if you have no self esteem, you might fall into a roller coaster of emotions.
It is important to recognize the signs of someone who wants to have a good time, versus someone who is here for a long time. The person playing with you is someone who will never be there during hard times. They will avoid you when you are sick or going through hardship. Furthermore, they won't make any efforts such as calling you, texting you, making dating plans, or even sending you gifts. They would not care about what you do, and might not even get jealous if you interact with the opposite sex. And when it comes to sex, they always talk about it or want to do it. To top it all, they won't even acknowledge the fact that they are dating you to other people.
My Summer go to shoes :platform sandals
How to avoid being in such a relationship? I think it is important to know what you want and to set your boundaries. But it is also important to openly express what you want and how you feel. When you are in the talking stages, state upfront that you are looking for a serious relationship. Also put a timer on the talking stages. People are different but it should not take you forever to figure out who you want to date and who you want to marry. Personaly, 6 months is a reasonable period of time, but I would be more comfortable with a year. If the person you are dating does not show any signs of change towards something more postive, it is time to let them go. There is no need to linger on, hoping for things to improve. If they are not great in the beginning, chances are they won't be better later on. Break up, protect your peace and work on yourself. But please, do not engage in time pass with someone else just to seek revenge or proove a point. You do not want to do to others what has been done to you.
This floral combo is giving me 90s vibes. Can you relate?
Fulani earrings - Soumbedioune artisanal village
Now, let us chat. Have you ever been a victim of time pass? A perpetrator? Tell me your worst experiences.
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