The good girl

All my life I have been a good girl. Was I an unruly child? No! I was (and still is) a stubborn kid but...When I was a toddler, I would climb on furniture and try to jump from one chair to another. That is how I fell and had to get stitches on my chin. 

As a teenager I would sometimes not listen to my parents when it came to visiting boys. And more than once I told them I was going to stay at my cousin's house for the weekend so that I could get a chance to go out dancing with her and her friends. 

But a part from that, I was a good girl. I did not talk back to adults, did mostly what I was told to do, and did not get involved in any shenanigans. Even when I lived abroad by myself, the most outrageous thing I have done was having a boyfriend, living next door to him (he ended up marrying me)

 

Lace sleeves tee - Numero Uno

Tutu - thrifted

Feathered mules - Centenaire market

Stacked necklace - HLM market

One day when I was living in the US, my colleagues asked me what was the craziest thing I have ever done. I had to think for a long time, and I showed them my piercing at the top of my ear. They laughed out loud and started telling me all the stupid things they did. Some sold drugs, some got into fights, some even went to jail. At first, I was dumbstruck. Then I realized that their lives were not the kind of life I wanted for myself. I was happy to have had a drama free life up to that point.

I am rather happy I do not have any (many) skeletons in the closet. But being a good girl is kind of hard. People always expect you to do the right thing for starters. You cannot have any outburst, say bad words or fight in public because it is not how you were raised. It is not who you are. I once used a bad word on my Instagram story and my best friend reprimanded me. And God forbid you do something out of character, people who have not witness it would not want to believe it. And people who did, still do not want to believe it. 

Being a good girl would have you analyse every little thing in your life. For every decision you have to make, how ever little, you have to stay up at night wondering if it is the right thing to do or not. Being a good girl means you are more likely never to take any risks in your life. It is no wonder I am still living with my parents. 

But what I hate the most is that I realize that my life is lacking rich experiences. I want to be the type of grandmother who has fun interesting stories to tell her grand kids. But the way I have been living my life lately, perfectly safe, I wonder what tales I would tell them. I studied abroad, met and married the first Senegalese man who fancied me, had kids, divorced and started a career. That is it? No grand adventures? No grand affairs? No big risks? How boring! It even took me 10 years to finally launch my clothing line just because I was so afraid to start. 

Then again, sometimes when I do something out of character, I always end up getting hurt in the process. It is all fun and games but I come out of it hurt and bruised. Experience has taught me that it is better to stick to the rivers and the lakes that I am used to instead of trying to chase waterfalls. Therefore you can understand my reluctance in trying to shake things up a bit. 

Nevertheless, it dawns on me that if I do not try to change things, I will remain stuck in the same old place of "coulda woulda shoulda". It is time I take risks and try new things to spice up my life a bit. It can start with easy things and gradually move on to more difficult ones. I could take that solo trip I so long for. I could finally get dreadlocks on my hair, I could get a loan to buy the car of my dreams, I could make that funky jumpsuit I sketched for my clothing line, I could apply for better jobs. After all, what's the worse that can happen? If I fail, I have already reset my life once, I can do it again. And If I succeed, all the better. 

I want to end this post by clarifying a few things. Taking risks to live a richer life does not mean doing bad things. I am not and will not advocate doing bad and hurtful things. Obviously bad things can mean different things to different people. But what I mean by bad is something immoral. All the bad I plan on doing involves only me and it is more about me pushing myself to get out of my shell. To try and do things that scare me, to grow. I hope you understand my point. 

If you have been living your life to the fullest, maybe you could share some tips with me. And if like me, you are scared to do anything, I hope this post will give you the push you need to do that thing you have been so afraid to do.